If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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