speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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