Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
