After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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