No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
