is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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