my phone needs a breathalizer
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize