Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They took my balls.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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