woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
