She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
