the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
