Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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