I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
