is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
