i always forget guys have bellybuttons
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your penis caused this!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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