i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
