My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
