so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
