did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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