I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
how does that bad decision feel?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
