she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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