when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
