My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
