Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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