sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
