It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
