You're completely useless in the revolution.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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