He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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