So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize