Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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