2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
