I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
