the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
