I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
