You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
