I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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