I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize