Im at strip club and am horny
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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