My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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