dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
