Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
