I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
