I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize