i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
