the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
