It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
