my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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