im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Randomize
