My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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