You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
