babies were throwing up all over the place
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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