I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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