if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
