i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Green mimosas i think yes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize