i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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