I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
