You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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