do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize