I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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