I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
