Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what day is it and did you see me today?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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