That's when you crack a 10am beer
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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