a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
do herpes really smell.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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