You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
