He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
