that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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