I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize