Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty

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(310): View more from California

i was born a porn star she said

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(302): View more from Delaware

is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?

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(909): View more from California

He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.

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(773): View more from Illinois

what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?

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(941): View more from Florida

I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off

(1-941): View more from Florida

Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS

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(843): View more from South Carolina

The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.

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(719): View more from Colorado

the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up

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