Your dad touched me again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
