I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Two words: blizzard sex
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
