I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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