He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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