I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
