love makes seman taste better
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need a beard to bite.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
