Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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