after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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