even my farts smell like vagina
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They have beer where we have blood.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize