apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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