First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
