sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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