How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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