a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I smell stomach acid.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
