Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
