I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
